New Year, New Me

That's right, that's my slogan for this year, actually for the rest of my life. New year, new me. I'm tired of trying to cover up my body instead of being able to just throw something on and feel comfortable. I find myself leaning towards the flowy material, nothing to clingy and it's annoying. I see old pictures of myself and can't help but think damn I looked so good. I was so thin. Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to get a model status body over here. I know I've had a kid, and that it's going to take time to get my body back. Hell I may never have the same body again but that can't stop me from making better choices when it comes to what I'm eating. If I'm feeding my kid organic and making her eat vegetables and fruits because I know they are good for her then I should be too. There's going to come a time where she will start to notice that Mommy and Daddy don't eat everything she eats and will probably start to wonder, what the hell?! I have to eat this and their over there eating god knows what. I've got to give it up. My excuse of wrangling these three kids is my exercise, it's not. They listen pretty well so I'm really not wrangling them. And I think I've reached my limits with losing weight via breastfeeding. She's only eating twice a day so really I don't thinking I'm burning quite as many calories as I was months ago.

This was me at the tail end of my pregnancy. I gained at least 40 pounds if not more with my Nella bean. Since then I've lost pretty much all of it, give or take a few pounds. But as you can see my stomach was stretched so I'm not in shape at all. My skin is flabby, I just want to get toned again.

Now don't get me wrong, I can rock this body if I need to. I do dress up from time to time but most of the times you can see me in my yoga pants and a hoodie. (Hey cut me some slack I work with kids all day, they could care less what I look like!) Even the shirts I wear that are as easy as a t-shirt sometimes I feel like could look better. I feel like I'm trying to hide.

 June- Nice empire waist to hide the pooch

 June- Flowy material, flowing away from the stomach

 July- Something I felt a little uncomfortable in but I wore it anyways, I'm most likely sucking in here

 July- My typical outfit, t-shirt  and yoga pants

 August- Probably shouldn't have worn this dress, very clingy & you can see my stomach but I was ok with that surprisingly

 Nov- A night out

 Nov- A doctors appointment for Nell

 Nov- Thanksgiving

Nov- I love this picture of my family, just some of my examples of my body lately and post-pregnancy.

It's definitely harder for me because my husband is probably one of the worlds pickiest eaters ever! He pretty much hates all vegetables except for corn  and potatoes (which is pretty much just a serving of carbohydrates). It's hard for me to cook meals or to find new meals because he doesn't like it and it can be because it has one thing in it (like tomatoes or beans or any vegetable). Everything he likes is high in carbs (think pasta, mac n cheese, pizza, mashed potatoes) or high in fats. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not starving over here. I cook what I like too and I eat it too. Usually a lot of it. I want to try to make small changes like maybe use brown rice instead of white rice but even that is hard. If I try to change something without telling him he will notice. It never fails. He likes what he likes and he knows when you change it, trust me I've tried. Another problem that I'm not quite sure how to get around is the fact that he is a grown man. I can't make him eat his vegetables. Yes I can tell him how good they are for him but I can't physically force him to eat them. My only hope is to keep trying, to keep cooking the meals. He doesn't really like to cook so maybe me cooking certain things and not cooking separately for him will force him into it, either that or he just won't eat. I know he's going to read this and be like, "Um what the hell?" Haha, but really health is important and it will effect our lives weather it's tomorrow or ten years from now. I want him around, not only for our kids but for when our kids are grown and it's just us. I don't want to have to be taking care of him once our kids are grown. I want to enjoy the rest of lives happy and healthy. Hey a girl can try right?! It'd just be nice to have that extra support of someone trying to achieve the same goal as you. Although he doesn't want to change his eating habits I do have some friends that are starting to make changes so I've got some support there.

As far as Nella goes I'm not worried about her at all. She's the reason I'm doing this. She's a really great eater and I tried to give her as much of variety as I can. Even when she was a baby if she didn't like something I kept giving it to her. I've read that it can take up to ten times of trying something before they like it. I really think that's true, she hated cauliflower at first and now eats it no problem, the same with peas and spinach. Scottie would look at me like I had three heads when I would make something for her but she was so good and really tried anything I offered her. Now granted I realize we all have our days. Some days you just don't want cauliflower or sweet potatoes or whatever. I get it, and I'm not going to force feed her. I give her what I may make for breakfast lunch or dinner for that day and that's it. If she doesn't want to eat it, if she would rather throw it on the ground that's fine but that's it. That's all she's getting. I'm not a personal chef and I refuse to make her multiple meals, I know she's not going to starve herself. I've seen her not really like breakfast too much so she just eats her yogurt and then at lunch she'll pretty much eat everything. I'm not too big on snacks either. I give her a snack after her afternoon nap but it's usually just crackers and raisins or cranberries. Something light, something easy. Something to hold her over until dinner. She pretty much only gets treats when we go to a birthday party or something like that. Scottie and I just talked about this the other night too. About how we don't want to use food as a reward, you know you don't eat then you don't get a snack. Stuff like that. If she doesn't want to eat dinner that's fine, she doesn't have to but we will be keeping track of not only how well she's eating but of her behavior too. If she's had a good week then we'll get a treat, well I guess that is using food as a reward, whoops. Or maybe she could have a snack but something healthy. I feel like when you're full you sleep better. I also really want to implement the no thank you bite. You know, you take a bite and if you don't like it then you say no thank you. I just want her to be able and willing to at least try things.

Now as far I go I know I can help myself as well. It's not just what I'm making or eating for dinner. My absolute worst habit is I eat when I'm bored. The babies are sleeping, I've got the TV on why not have some pretzels or a string cheese. Of course I have my Pintrest board full of all these great easy work outs, but do I use them, no I don't. I'm not necessarily a bad eater but I tend to over eat which isn't good either and of course I eat crap and drink soda which is also not good. I want to try to set a time at night where I stop eating (maybe 9) and drink more water at home. When I'm at Michelle's I drink water all day but then go home and cancel it out by drinking soda or kool-aid (horrible I know and of course our glasses our pretty giant so it's most likely more than one serving in there). I really want to try to be more open. I'm really not any better than Scottie when it comes to eating fruits and veggies. I just need to be more open when it comes to fruit, hopefully I can get Scottie to be a little more open too with anything! We've also started to actually sit at the table, we had been just eating in front of the TV (terrible!) I've always grown up sitting around the table for dinner and I loved it, Scottie did too. It gives you a chance to catch up and see how everyone's day was. I will strive to do that with Nella as well.

I think the key to success for me will be using MyFitnessPal. It's an app on my phone (pretty sure anyone can get it) but you have to enter in everything single thing you eat and it keeps track of your calories for you. I think using this app will help me hold myself accountable, really keep myself in check. Well at least that's what I'm hoping for anyways. I need to check myself, ask myself am I really hungry? Do I really need those pretzels or that cheese stick? I plan to make a few changes at home as well. I want to try to switch white rice over to brown rice (let's see if the hubby will go for that) and really just pay attention. I was looking up ground turkey vs ground beef and really it's all about paying attention. Ground turkey can be better for you but it has to be the breast of the turkey, sometimes the leaner beef (talking 90-10 ratio here) can be better. It's all about knowing what you're eating, paying attention and reading the labels. Another thing that will help me is getting off my ass. Putting music on while the babies are up instead of the TV so I'm moving too, not just sitting on my ass. I can't wait for the weather to start getting nicer, not only can I walk with the babies at Michelle's but we go on family walks almost every night again. Not only do Scottie and I get to catch up with each other but we are moving too! I really want to try everyday to get at least 20 mins of something in. Weather it be running in place or a light work out I need to do something and do it everyday. The kids are still napping twice a day for goodness sake so it's not like I don't have time! Not just Monday through Friday. Another one of my down falls, I do great during the week and the weekends I blow it. Now don't get me wrong I think everyone deserves a cheat day once in awhile but not every single weekend!

I guess I just want to be better. Not only for myself but for my bean. My girl and my future kids. I want to be able to run around with her and not get out of breathe in two minutes. And let's be honest I want to feel good. I want to look good, not only for me but for my husband. He deserves me at my best too.

It's all for this nugget!

Update: I've been doing this for probably two weeks now and I've got to say I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm been doing good at keeping track of what I'm eating and I try to get in at least 20 mins or more of exercise in. I've really tried to cut out the candy and sweets (I do still enjoy some light ice cream) and make better snacking choices. I've lost three pounds so far so I'm happy. Now we've just got to keep on going! 

Just A Little Heart Murmur

Here's a little story about my bean that many people don't know. I probably don't talk about it because it was one of the scariest moments in my life. Fast forward to a year later and we're all good. She's growing and developing just as she should. All is well in our little world.

When she was born the doctors did notice a slight heart murmur. Of course they scare the crap out of you and tell you all the things that it could be. I know they want you to know what you're in for but having a baby is scary enough in itself, let alone the fact that you have to take this little human home and you alone will be the only thing helping them survive. So yeah on top of that we get to hear all of these things that a heart murmur could be. On the day we went home they still heard the murmur and said to be sure to have her doctor check it at her first appointment. It was all such a haze, we just wanted to go home and I was confident her doctor wouldn't hear it once we went for her first check up.

Fast forward to Wednesday. She was born on Saturday at 5:08pm so if we're gonna get technical here (and I am) she was just shy of  four days old. So yeah we're talking itty bitty newborn. So we take her to her doctors appointment and she hasn't gained weight but lost more and they can still hear her heart murmur, so now we have to go to St. Peters. Here I am just have given birth waddling around, my hormones are all over the place and they want to take my sweet girl and look at her heart. Oh and then we had to go to Belluve to get her blood drawn because she still looked a little yellow, yeah that's fine you can just throw that in there too no big deal! It's amazing how something so little can literally turn your world upside down.

 This is my girl getting ready to go to her first doctors appointment, little did we know it would be an all day affair!

A week later, back up to her birth weight!

I held it together until I had to call my mom. I broke down and just cried. Anyone else get like that, where you here your moms voice and you loose it? Yeah that's me. I was scared. I didn't know what they were going to find and of course I could only think of the worst. I probably have the best husband, he held my hand the whole time and just kept saying it was going to be ok. He wasn't worried at all. So we get to St. Peter's and I had him take her to get her ekg and her ultrasound, I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to see what they were seeing. I just needed someone to tell me what was going on. She was great. Really didn't care at all what they had to do to her, it didn't hurt her so she was all good. They finish with everything they need to do and the doctor comes in and says she has two small holes in the bottom part of her heart. They aren't really affecting anything, they're just there. The heart murmur you heard was just air coming out of the holes. We had to come back a month later to check on them. We didn't get home that day until almost 5 o'clock! What a day, nothing like all that for an initiation into motherhood! Talk about an emotional roller coaster, thank god our baby was so mellow because I was a hot mess.

Before you know it we're back at their office a month later, this time she wasn't so mellow. She was much more aware of what was going on and didn't appreciate everyone touching her. Turns out the holes were getting smaller and even if they didn't go away completely she would be fine. Although her doctor was fairly confident that they would completely go away he said she wouldn't have restrictions on anything that she wanted to do, she would be just fine. Just like Scottie said. Fast forward to a year later and they're gone.

 A month later, getting bigger & much more alert.

Today we took her for what would be the last time to St. Peter's Hospital. Of course we got lost and went to Albany Med instead, which made us almost a half an hour later to her appointment. All I kept thinking was "Great, we're going to get in there and they're going to tell us to come back. We're over 20 minutes late and that was that". Thankfully that didn't happen. Oh and did I mention Nella threw up on the way there. Yes you read that correctly. All over herself and all over her car seat, threw up all of her breakfast. We're not sure if it's because of the car ride (Scottie was driving a little fast and we were turning a lot) or what. She was completely fine all morning and after that too. And did I mention I didn't have any extra clothes! Yes that's right of all the times to not have extra clothes it was now. Luckily we had her winter coat (that she wears in the snow) in the car, so we took her shirt off and threw her in that and went off the appointment. Once we got to the right hospital everything looked familiar and we were able to find the office fairly quickly.  So we went in, her got her ultra sound and her ekg and that was that. The holes were all gone and we wouldn't have to come back again! I was relived to say the least.

 One whole year later.

Hanging out at the doctors! 

 First Birthday!

Talk about stressful. Once we went back at her one month check up and they said they were getting smaller I knew she'd be ok. But this is life. You get these trials and you power through them especially when it's your baby. If you don't who else is going to? Who else is going to wipe their tears away, who else is going to cuddle them like you do, who else is going to kiss away the pain for them? You, that's who. My girl did so good today and I was proud. Despite getting lost, despite the throw up she did good! Oh and in case you were wondering cleaning throw up out of a car seat is yet just another initiation into the lovely world of motherhood. It may not always be roses but I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.

Our big girl today! Love her to the moon & back!

It's the Holiday Season!

Well actually it's over now, all of our decorations are put away and we have found a new place for all of our new gifts! I can't believe Christmas has come and gone. Not going to lie having a child definitely puts the magic back into the season. It's amazing. I was actually sad that there was no snow on Christmas, I could of dealt with a dusting just so we had a white Christmas. Get ready because this is probably going to be a long post filled with lots of pictures too!

I'm not sure if I posted these pictures yet but they just scream holiday cheer so they're going in this post too!

 Seriously?! If this doesn't scream Christmas cheer I'm not what does!

 Checking out the tree!

 Putting the star on top!

Me and my girl!

Quick rant before I forget. Dear BabyCenter, I do not enjoy you calling my baby a toddler. (I get weekly e-mails from them talking about baby's development and all that jazz which is really nice because there is some stuff that I had no clue about.) Just because she turned 1 does not mean she is a toddler, a toddler is at least 2, ok? Thanks!

Ok so back to Christmas. I tried really hard again this year to not go crazy. I think I did really good. I didn't do the homemade route this year simply because I didn't have time. Heck I was out shopping on Christmas Eve for pete's sake! Although I did make a few things. We spent just around $475 (give or take a few bucks) on everyone. So we're buying for 18 people including Nella, friends and family. So that's just around $25 a person some less, some more depending on sales and what not, which is not too shabby! I personally loathe Black Friday. I just can't see getting up at the crack of dawn and fighting people for that one deal. And going out on Thanksgiving, well that's like a sin in my book. I'd rather hang with the fam. Again just my personal preference. I know some people love Black Friday and to each it's own! I did go out at the tail end of Black Friday this year and I'm talking like 5 o'clock (I know, I know hypocrite!) but it's only because I put up our Christmas decorations that day and because I'm OCD I had to get Nella her stocking holder THAT day because ours were already up and I did end up finding a few movies for Nella for Christmas. You can't beat it, Wal-Mart has movies for like two dollars! I usually wait for Cyber Monday to get my deals. I ended up getting seven people completely done and another two half way done, all from the couch! Now that's my kind of shopping. Here's some more Christmas photos:

 Helping Papa set up the train!

 Testing out the egg nog. 

 My shopping helper on Christmas Eve, yeah I know not so helpful!

 Decorating cookies!

Oh yeah have you heard, Nella's hair is long enough for the tiniest pigtails you've ever seen!

Ok so I'm not going to lie I totally felt like a bad mom for maybe like a nano second looking at everyone's pictures with all their presents under the tree. Some people's presents practically filled the whole room! Santa brought Nella a kitchen and we got her four movies and a game. Now in my heart I know that's plenty, especially for a one year old. For one right now she takes forever to open presents and it took her a good 20 mins to get through those four movies and the game so I can't imagine getting her more and I knew that we were not the only ones getting her stuff. She had stuff coming from Grandma and Papa, Mimi and Papa, Aunts and Uncles, God-mommy and more stuff from friends so I knew she'd get plenty and honestly she probably won't even remember this year but for a nano second I did feel a tinge of guilt that I didn't get her more. Now don't get me wrong you want to go crazy for your little peanut the more power to you, I just know we can't. We jut don't have the space for it and I don't want to drown in toys. Nella also got a special treat this Christmas Uncle Phil came home! The last time we saw him was last Christmas, I think he was over pretty much everyday and we couldn't have been more happy! She really warmed up to him quickly so they got to play together!

 She really loved her kitchen!

 Opening presents with some help from dad. 

 Playing with Uncle Phil!

Merry Christmas ya Filthy Animals! Ha. She makes the best faces!

Her pretty Christmas dress for her second Christmas with Uncle Jeff!

A couple of things I've seen pop up on the internet that I really liked and will try to implement with Nella were having the less expensive stuff come from Santa. Not everyone is loaded, not everyone will get an I-pad or a new computer or a new gaming system so having some clothes, or some movies, or dolls or whatever come from Santa makes it more fair for other kids. I mean yeah maybe it's crazy to be thinking about other kids but I mean let's be honest some kids sadly don't even get a Christmas. I think it'd be nice to have Santa do a little less. Besides then you get to take all the glory for those sweet ass presents you got them in the first place! Another idea that I saw was making a list that simply says, "Dear Santa, I want......, I need........, I'll wear........, I'll read.........., And I'd really love you to bring me.........." I like this idea because it really makes kids think. They really have to think about what they really want and need and of course I love the reading part. When Nella starts writing those letters to Santa this is the list we will stick to. I just don't want Nella to want and want and want. Yes of course I realize she's going to see that commercial and will think that she absolutely have to have that baby doll or see a movie and want all those characters. I just hope we can teach her to appreciate what she does have and to be thankful for what she does get.

So as I said before I did end up making a few things for this Christmas season. I made these awesome necklaces for the ladies I work for, along with one for my sister and one for Nella's God-mother (and you can get the tutorial here: http://www.sugarbeecrafts.com/2010/04/glass-tile-pendants.html. Really not expensive and that promo code still works!) In case you missed it the promo code is sugarbeez10. To sum it up you re-size a picture put some diamond glaze on one side of the glass tile, stick your picture on, really press it on (make sure there's no air bubbles), let it sit for 5 to 10 mins and put a layer or two of the diamond glaze over it. I let mine dry over night before I super glued the hook on the back and that's it. Really easy and pretty cheap too! I think they came out really cute.

 Close up of Michelle's

Nella made all of her gifts too. She made ornaments for everyone her list. Super easy, we just took her hand print on some salt dough and made santa and reindeer! Once her hand print was on the salt dough you cook them for 2 hours at 250. You can get all the instructions here: http://nasagreen.blogspot.com/2012/01/homemade-christmas-2-handprint.html?m=1. So cute and really easy. Sadly I didn't get any pictures of the ones she made!

We enjoyed a quiet New Years hanging with our neighbor. Scottie had the day off, I had taken down the decorations the day before and we did absolutely nothing. We even napped! It was wonderful. Even though we both had to go to work the next day, it was Friday so we didn't mind!

 One of her besties Hudson!

 My kid really does make the best faces!

Her first New Years Eve kiss, don't worry she didn't make it till 12. 

Let's see in the world of Nella all is well. We've gotten down to just two feedings a day with the boob. She gets it right when she wakes up in the morning (like the first time she wakes up, which can be anywhere from 4 to 7, she eats real food at 8) and before bed. Sometimes if she's having a hard time going down for a nap (like screaming her head off) I'll give it her to calm her down and that's rare but other than that it's just morning and night. We've also started brushing her teeth, she finally got her two front teeth in so I figured now that she has four teeth it's as good of a time as any to start a good habit. She's still getting used to it (we've only been doing it for a couple of days) but she lets me open her mouth and actually get to her teeth so that's good. She's pretty much running all over. She loves to take stuff out and try to put it back in (like buckets and stuff). We're working on cleaning up which she does pretty good at as long as you never stop telling her where to put things. Ha. It's really amazing to watch her grow and watch her do all of this stuff. She's getting really good at using her spoon and fork. She's a really good eater, loves her broccoli and any fruit! Scottie had Chinese food and she was pointing at it like she wanted some, I told him to give her some rice and she said no (she's really good at that!). He always picks out his broccoli (he pretty much hates all vegetables) so I told him to give her the broccoli and of course that's what she wanted, ate it right up! She's saying quite a few words now, Mama, Dada, Papa, No, shakes her head yes, we're working on please, she finally says Mimi, still working on Grandma! She's super good at going up the stairs, can go up super fast and even has learned how to go safely! She can make quite a few animal noises and knows almost all of her body parts! She's become very independent, likes to play on her own (which I love) and she's even beginning to love on Daddy. She loves to go down stairs and play music with him, her favorite is the drums. She follows him around now too and what's to help him! I love watching their bond get closer and closer.

 Brushing those pearly whites!

 She loves the drums!

 Helping daddy at church!

Look at all that hair!

Also new in Miss Penelope's world is she's started going to the church nursery. The first time she was a hot mess, pretty much cried the whole time and was a wreck the rest of day. Wanted nothing to do with anyone but me. This last time (which was her third time) they said she didn't cry but sat with Sam (one of the helpers) pretty much the whole time. She still cried when I came to get her but she did so good. Usually when Scottie plays on the worship team we will all go early while they practice and I let Nella run around and get some of her energy out. Normally she will fall asleep during the music when service starts but not anymore. She's getting louder and doesn't want to stay still, so off to the nursery she went. It's hard as a mom but I know she's safe and it's good for her. It's only for half an hour (we keep her with us while they play music) so I know it's really not a big deal and I know it will be good for her in the long run.

This month although the holiday season is over we still have a lot to celebrate. One of Nella's besties is having his birthday party, we just celebrated Papa's birthday and we still have Uncle Darrell, Daddy and Kody to help celebrate! Nella loves a good party, she gotten really good at destroying any cupcake you put in front of her. Keep a look out for another post coming soon about what else besides Nella and my New Years resolution! And with that Happy New Year everyone! Thanks for reading!

Papa's birthday!

Loves cupcakes! Who doesn't?!

Here's some more of my girl enjoying the Christmas season!

 Oh you know just doing some shopping. Awesome cart from Aunt Ashley and family, and those sweet glasses came in a purse from Auntie Cailin. 

 Enjoying more presents! Auntie Rachel got her dishes for her kitchen!

 More presents from Auntie Amanda!

Enjoying her awesome plate set from Auntie Amanda!

My baby last Christmas, and you can scroll up to see her this year. Man what a difference a year makes.