Because I Deserve It!

Recently money has been very tight, actually that's a lie. We've been on a pretty strict budget since the end of June. I don't think I've gotten new clothing since being pregnant, and even then I only got them because I had too. Over the summer and up until now Scottie has been the only one working. I've been trying to watch some kids here but things haven't quite panned out the way I thought they were going to. It's been tough but we've made it through!

We've been squirreling away any extra money we had, seeing how much groceries we could get for the least amount of money, pretty much living week to week, pay check to pay check. Thank god our land lord is pretty awesome and doesn't mind the rent check being just a little late.

We recently got our tax return and because of our beautiful bundle of joy it was more than what we normally would receive. We've decided to each get $1,000 save half and pay off people we have borrowed from. I'm using my money on a down payment for a car and Scottie's using his for whatever he wants.

I'm also in a wedding coming up in June so some of it will be for that. This money couldn't have come at a better time. We've gotten back on track with all of our bills and things are looking good.

Now this post is not to complain about our money woes or to celebrate being out of the hole but to talk about something I like to call "mom guilt". Since having Nella I find it hard to buy things for myself, I'll look at a shirt but tell myself I don't need it. Well news flash since more than half of my clothes don't fit right at the moment I do need it. So I'm letting go. I'm letting go of that "mom guilt" and giving in to just a few things that I want/need.

Granted most days I stay at home and am more than happy with my hair in a messy bun, yoga pants and a v-neck shirt but on occasion I do have to look presentable. I just had my cousin's bridal shower, and my best friend has her's in April and then there's always church and the doctors office (yes I get dressed up for the doctors office, hey I don't get out much). So I did allow myself to get a couple of new shirts, and a new pair of jeans.

Let's face it, it's going to take a while to get my body back into shape so I need to feel good in the clothes that I have for my current body. Although shopping may have become a little bit more like a cruel game than the enjoyable experience I once remember, I know that I can find stuff for my body. I just have to be patient. I have to focus on how I look and not at the size. I know I'll get where need to be eventually but for now I need to feel comfortable in the skin I'm in right now. I need to stop focusing on what my body used to look like and start realizing that I'm still beautiful. My body did one of the most amazing things, I created a human! It took ten months to make her so I need to cut myself some slack and realize that I may look a little different but I still look good.

Exhibit A: New shirt, new jeans, big smile!

I also recently purchased a couple of nursing necklaces. Nella has a tendency to grab at anything I have on (weather it be a scarf, my sweater or even pulling at my shirt or skin...ouch!) so I decided to purchase some nursing necklaces. They are supposed to be something safe for your baby to hold onto, or play with while nursing. I found some really beautiful ones on MommyNecklaces.com and there's tons of hand made beauties on Etsy.com. A lot of them even double as teething necklaces (so I'd say they're pretty safe). They all use natural materials. I'm definitely excited to get those when they come in! I'll be sure to give an update on how well they work for us!

And to get rid of my lingering mommy guilt I got Nella the cutest Easter basket (for a pretty decent price- had a coupon!)  It's adorable, has her name on it and everything! Granted she won't really need it for a couple of years but I'd figured I'd get it out the way while we have a little extra cash!

I'm also excited because I'm going to be working again! I hate that Scottie is the only one bringing in money, so I'm going back to my old nanny job. It will be good to bring in some extra money and it will be good for Nella. They have a baby just two months older than her, so it'll be good for her to get some socialization. I love these girls like my own, so it's really not like work!

Happy spring everyone! Looking forward to the weather warming up!

4 months in!

A little late, but my bean is 4 months old! Crazy right?! I can't get over how big she's getting! (Brag moment, please skip over if you don't want to hear it: It's awesome to watch her grow so big, to know that I am doing that. To know that she is getting bigger everyday from me, from my breast milk. Pretty cool! Ok bragging done.)

In other news Bean has a doctors appointment on Monday so we'll get her stats then. So far we're guessing 15 or 16 pounds (she was 12 pounds at her last check up at two months) and she's got to have grown a couple of inches too. I'm excited to see if she can start cereal or not as well. I'm not sure if I'll do it now or what, we'll see what the doctors say. I know she's been starting to eye food for awhile now so it'd be fun to actually give her something she really can eat.

She's changing everyday. I love to just watch her. She's gotten the hang of the whole grabbing thing. She can grab onto to most of her toys and really hang onto them. She's also getting the hang of getting  her toys into her mouth which makes her very happy. She's very nosy, when she's held she likes to be facing out (she doesn't want to miss anything!) she loves to sit up, doesn't like to lay back anymore. She's very observant and likes to watch everything around her.

 She concentrates really hard!

Loves to put everything in her mouth!

Her favorite thing to do is stand. I've been putting her in her jumper, which she loves (she can't quite reach the floor yet but we just put a pillow underneath her and she's good to go). She's beginning to actually bounce more when she's in it and she actually plays with the toys in front of her. (There's a little book, she likes to turn the pages, and there's little vegetables on there that she likes to grab at.)

She's becoming very vocal, always "talking" and if you're not paying attention to her, she'll make you. She can get very loud if she wants too. Another one of her favorite activities would be blowing raspberries. Her father taught her that, and it's probably one of the funniest things to watch.

Telling dad about her day.

We're still working on her naps. Not quite sure what her deal is with that. she just doesn't like to sleep for more than an hour. I don't know, I guess that's good. I just wish I could get her on a more efficient schedule. In a perfect world I'd go for two hours naps, and longer play time as well. It would also help with her eating. I try to feed her before she goes to sleep (I read some where that has nothing to do with how long they sleep but it's all in my head I guess) so in my head if she slept for two hours, I could feed her when she got up, play for two hours and feed her again before she goes back down. Oh well, it's a work in progress I suppose.

I'm all for a little cry it out but the things I see on the internet are messing with my head. All of the things that are so horrible about letting them cry it (the emotional problems it causes, all the stress) but I know that my mom did it with us and I know I turned out ok. I just want her to learn how to soothe herself. I don't want her to have to rely on a bink or the boob. Is that bad?! Who the heck knows, I mean really I know research say.....but every kid is different and every parent is different. You have to do what works for you, right?!

Overall she's a very happy baby. I love that she's laughing now, that makes my day. The only time she's fussy or crying is when she's tired. When she's over tired you better watch out, because she is a hot mess. I love when I look at her, smile at her and get a big smile in return. I just love her so much!

Happy baby!

We went on a little adventure with the bean. We went out to dinner. (Note to self: Don't do that again until she can sit up, maybe eat a little and entertain herself a little better, and don't go so late!) It went fairly well, I just ended up holding her the whole time and hand to walk out to get her to sleep. Once she was asleep it was a breeze!

Well that's all for now! And please don't hate on my grammatical errors. I wrote this kind of fast because my little love bug is getting a little fussy, she's tired. Fingers crossed she sleeps for a little, maybe I'll get to re-read it and fix my errors.

 Some St. Patty's Day love!

 Snuggles with momma!

She loves to be in our bed!

P.S.
A little note to Spring: Hello! Where are you?! We are quickly approaching the end of March and it's still pretty cold out there! So knock off the shy crap and get out there. People want the sunshine, people want the pretty flowers, the birds chirping so get a move on already. I want to walk with my bean and not have to put her in a million layers! Thanks!

Nella's not impressed with all these layers!

Getting Fit!

I'm tired. Tired of not feeling my best, tired of not feeling confident, tired of walking into a room and wondering if people are staring at my stomach. Tired of looking for my "loose" clothing, tired of looking at pictures and going right for the gut. Checking if I sucked it in, checking if I look flat.

Time's up. My baby is 3 months old, going on four so no longer can I say to myself, "Give yourself a break you just had a baby." Sorry self but you didn't just have a baby, you had her three months ago! You've been long since cleared by the doctor, everything is good to go so quit laying around!

One of my biggest problems is that when I'm bored I eat. If Nella is sleeping and I've showered or the house chores are done I sit in front of the TV and eat. Honestly I'm not even hungry, and I know I'm not hungry but I still continue to eat. And we don't have the healthiest food in this house, so most of my snacks tend to be high in salt or sugar. Even the drinks I drink are way to high in sugar. (Kool-Aid and soda) It's back to water for me. Weirdly enough if it's in a water bottle or I have a straw I can drink more water, rather than if it was in just a cup. Yes I know, I said it was weird. So enough is enough. It's time to get back in shape!

I've been looking on Pinterest for some easy work outs and for some healthy snacks. It's a little bit harder for me to eat healthy because my husband is an extremely picky eater. Frankly I consider that an excuse. I need to have the will power to look at the snacks in the cabinet and pick the best choice. My husband can have his chips and ice cream but I need to make better choices. This may prove more difficult when making meals because I refuse to make separate dinners (I don't have the time or energy for that) but I will figure it out.

I need to start listening to my body. I really need to start asking myself if I'm hungry. I'm about to get  a snack, do I really need it? Am I really hungry? Is it good for me? Now don't get me wrong I'm not about to cut every single thing that I love out of my life. I feel like if you don't that, you're only setting yourself up for failure because eventually you're going to want whatever it is, weather it be cookies or candy or whatever. You're going to want it and you're going to eat it and because you've been depriving yourself of it for so long you may go over board. This always sticks in my head "Everything is good in moderation." I really think that's true. You can still have some candy or some chips or whatever but just have a little. It's all about portion control. Another tip I heard was if you want something (like a cupcake, or a doughnut) tell yourself you can have it later. By doing that hopefully you just forget about it. So instead of saying no, just say you'll have it later.

So here we go! I'm hoping if I write this it make me hold myself more accountable to maintain working out and keep making better choices. I can't wait for this weather to be over with! I will be walking everyday with my bean once it gets nice out.  We got lucky over the weekend and were able to take a nice family walk together, it was very enjoyable. So fingers crossed this winter is almost done!

Do you have any ideas for yummy healthy snacks or meals?! I need all the help I can get!

UPDATE:
Well  I wrote this at the end of February and let me tell you I started out strong. Did a little working out everyday (and by little I mean like 15 mins but I could feel the burn) and I tried to walk as much as possible. I started eating better and I thought I was doing good.

Well now it's almost the end of March and I haven't worked out in probably two weeks. I'm eating decent (light ice cream counts, right?!) I don't know! I just really have no motivation. I'm busy with Nella all day (I know what you're thinking....she's 4 months old how could she possibly keep you that busy, well she does!) I'm lucky if I get a shower in, and truth be told I'd much rather shower than work out. And if I''m not trying to get a shower in then I'm cleaning the house, and for once if I'm lucky enough to have all the chores done and Nella's asleep......well sorry but I don't feel like working out. I'd much rather plop my ass in front of the TV and relax, so sue me!

But I am going to try harder. I have to, I want to. I'm in a wedding in June so I want to shape up. I just wish the weather would cooperate. Yes I know it's an excuse but I'd be a whole lot more productive if the sun was shining. Ok I'm done! Back on the grind. Maybe next month I'll have a sweet post that says I lost five pounds! Fingers crossed!